EXCLUSIVE: NRCC uncovers Annette Taddeo’s celebrity endorsements

Well, this is awkward.  Annette Taddeo recently got caught making up fake endorsements and quotes from local elected officials for her FL-26 primary against Joe Garcia.  We’ve heard through the grapevine that Taddeo is set to double down on this strategy by rolling out a list of celebrity endorsements that Team Taddeo thinks will finally get her campaign out of its perennial tailspin.

“Without the help of Annette Taddeo on our offense, I never would have been able to torch the ’85 Bears for three touchdown passes en route to handing Chicago their only loss of the year.  That is why I am endorsing her fourth losing campaign.”
–Dan Marino

“Without Annette Taddeo’s leadership and inspiration, I never would have had the idea to conceptualize Mickey and Minnie and turn that into a multi-billion dollar enterprise known as Disney. That is why I am endorsing her fourth losing campaign.”
–Walt Disney

“I never would have had the courage to join Supreme Leader Snoke to create Starkiller Base and subsequently destroy the Hosnian System without the support of Annette Taddeo.  That is why I am endorsing her fourth losing campaign.”
-Kylo Ren

“Without the unconditional love and support that Annette Taddeo gave me, I never would have had the courage to return to Pride Rock to confront my Uncle Scar and take my rightful place on the throne.  That is why I am endorsing her fourth losing campaign.”
–Simba

“Without Annette Taddeo inspiring my musical talents, my 1998 hit song Miami never would have reached number 53 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100.  That is why I am endorsing her fourth losing campaign.”
-Will Smith

“Without Annette Taddeo’s motivating words, I never would have become a standout football player at the University of Miami, become the youngest WWF Champion in history, or gone on to become an international movie star. That is why I am endorsing her fourth losing campaign.”
–Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

“Without the inspiration of Annette Taddeo, I never would have taken the original Miami Vice and turned it into a blockbuster hit on the big screen.  That is why I am endorsing her fourth losing campaign.”
-Michael Mann

“Without Annette Taddeo’s strategic guidance, I never would have thought of the brilliant idea to go north of The Wall to invade Winterfell in a surprise attack. That is why I am endorsing her fourth losing campaign.”
-Stannis Baratheon