11 Star Wars Characters Go On The Record About Dan Maffei’s Policies Ian Prior | May 8th, 2013
In case you missed it, New York Democratic Congressman Dan Maffei will host a “Galactic Trivia Battle” May 22 in Washington, D.C., with ticket prices ranging from $100 per person to $1,000 for teams or political action committees.
This certainly piqued our interest in what some of the more well-known characters in the Star Wars galaxy would think about Maffei’s policies. Here is what 11 Star Wars characters had to say about Dan Maffei and his policies.
1. Lando Calrissian (Administrator of Cloud City and Tabana Mining Colony): “Dan Maffei’s support for President Obama’s cap-and-trade bill would put Cloud City out of business, it’s that simple. Then what would we do with the 300 Ugnaughts that would be unemployed? Do you think they could get a job in customer service? I don’t think so.”
2. Lobot (Aide to Lando Calrissian): “Dan Maffei is not going to get my vote. According to my boss Lando, it is cheaper to dump employees from the Cloud City health care plan and pay the Obamacare penalty. That means I’ll have to get insurance on the exchange and I’m worried that my new insurance won’t cover this thing on my head that connects my brain to the Cloud City central computer.”
3. Luke Skywalker (Jedi Knight): “Dan Maffei’s misguided vote for Obamacare unleashed the medical device tax, which means that the prices of bionic arms will skyrocket. There is no way I can afford it now, so I pretty much have no chance of defeating Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine. Thanks Dan.”
4. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Jedi Master): “Dan Maffei’s continued wasteful spending will leave the future generation of Jedi Knights with crushing debt and we will be on a road to bankruptcy. It’s enough to make a young Jedi want to turn to the dark side.”
5. Jabba the Hutt (Businessblob): “Dan Maffei doesn’t understand the problems of small business owners like myself. He continually votes for higher taxes and, quite frankly, if less of my money went to President Obama and Emperor Palpatine, I could actually hire 50 more bounty hunters.”
6. Owen Lars (Luke Skywalker’s uncle): “Dan Maffei’s support for the death tax really makes things difficult for Beru and I. We would like to leave our family farm to our nephew Luke, but the tax that he will have to pay on the family business makes it more likely that he will leave to go fly X-Wings for a living. I just hope we aren’t killed by Stormtroopers any time soon.”
7. Han Solo (Entrepreneur): “I’ve got a bad feeling about Dan Maffei.”
8. Beru Lars (Luke’s Aunt): “I’d never vote for Dan Maffei. He supports Obama’s regulations that are making blue milk more expensive.”
9. Yoda (Jedi Master): “Win re-election, Dan Maffei will not.”
10. Admiral Piett (Commander of the Imperial Fleet): “I would love to enjoy working for Dan Maffei. Working for Darth Vader is stressful, if we lose a battle someone is going to get choked to death. When Maffei loses, he gives his staff huge taxpayer-funded bonuses.”
11. Emperor Palpatine (Evil Sith Lord): “Everyone knows how much I like to waste money. I hire more Stormtroopers than I need, none of them know how to aim, and I never recycle their armor. And of course, nothing is more fun than building giant space stations with obvious weaknesses that can be exploited by farm boys and cuddly Ewoks. Fortunately, there are plenty of people like Dan Maffei to support my wasteful tax-and-spend agenda.”