Crime Rips Through Scranton as Cognetti Remains the Missing Mayor

It’s a day ending in “y,” meaning violent crime continues to terrorize families in Scranton.

At times like this, people look to strong leaders for guidance; unfortunately, Scranton’s part-time Mayor Paige Cognetti is nowhere to be found.

Are you having trouble keeping up with all of the bad news about the Cognetti crime wave? Us too. That’s why we decided to put it all in one place: machetecognetti.com.

“The Cognetti crime wave is ripping Scranton apart, but political opportunist Paige is too busy focusing on her personal vanity run for Congress to care. Cognetti deserves a pink slip, not a promotion.” – NRCC Spokesman Reilly Richardson